Rawer

Not sure what I'm doing here,

in between sweaty legs,

a heavy head on my chest.

Not sure what's happening here,

hands still clung to my hips,

a breathing I don't recognise.

Not sure what I've done here.

First time I sleep with someone

since you broke up with me.

Not sure what's happened here.

I feel caught in a bear trap

the hunter's breath on my neck.

Not sure what'll happen now.

Maybe waiting to be skinned,

more naked than I already am.

Not sure what I'll do now.

All I loved once is gone.

You are gone, never to return.

I should probably get up now,

get dressed and take my leave.

I should certainly flee the shame

and run away as fast as possible

to avoid seeing your eyes now,

your shaking head and tutting mouth.

I should go home and shower off

all these tears and emotions

and wait for the night to smother me.

I just wanted to taste

what it felt like to love,

to taste the freedom

off somebody else's lips.

I will carry you inside me forever

and watch your eyes as I do now

questioning my guilty conscience.

Not sure what could have happened

if you had stayed with me

but I know for certain

that I'd still love you.

Not sure where you are now

with whom you're sharing a bed

but I want to be this person

and efface what you think of me.

Not sure how I could do this now

but I think about it every day

every, single, day...certain now

that I can't find again the grain

of your skin on that of others

nor the shade of your green eyes

nor the sound of your smile

it's as if you were dead only to me

and not for the rest of the world

some thoughts are rawer

than a naked body

sharper than headlights

on a fox's face

more bitter than the salt

off your long-lost faded lips.