Jimmy

Jimmy now has a scar on the forehead.

At the time of that silly accident

Blimey the lad thought he was downright dead –

No spot on his ancient bike had no dent.

Jimmy, was it because of your 2-to-10

That you took a sma' tumble off the kerb?

Or was it because you fumbled for a pen

that your stunt was nothing short of superb?

Jimmy, I know you like the back of my hand:

You must have been drooling at some bonie wench

Wiggling her hips enow to wriggle your prostate gland.

Or perhaps it was some blinker on a bench

That made you swim the air in search of land –

Well now you know the bitter taste of sand.

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, you of all people should know

That staring and gaping at women is wrong,

Because first Darwin wouldn't have called you 'strong',

And then even during summer you cannot melt snow.

Jimmy, when thou turned thy head to get a better look

At that splendid amazon riding the other way,

Feeling that you ought to have sex by hook or by crook,

Thou apishly forgot thou wert on no cycling way.

Jimmy now has an ugly scar on the forehead

And once fallen, twice shy Jimmy looks straight ahead

When one of 'em darn giglets try to snare the poor urchin

That might one day get another fugly scar on the chin.