Once upon a nighttime

Once upon a nighttime

At the unglad hour

When the twilit bells chime

I saw a man humped on a motorcycle

He was lour he was sour

And he never had the giggles

He knew the road to be treacherous

And full of magnificent bulltoads

When the weather was tempestuous

But on that night he was on the road

For he was remarkably jealous

His wife had been seen with a man named Goad.

Fireflies were dancing before his tired eyes

But he was mad, he was mad with rage

He knew he had to kill them to turn the page

Fireflies were prancing before his unhinged eyes.

The raving chuff-chuff of the motorcycle

Filled the night with an angry pestilence

Here and there in the marches the purulence

Thickened the night air to a charcoal treacle.

When he reached Goad's house on the moor

He saw his wife's car in the alley

So he rammed his cycle through the door

And beat them up into a jelly.

Both his wife and her wan paramour

Ended up in the bulltoads' belly.