You Willing

 
I will put my hands away, if you want me to.
I will tear my love away, if you ask me to.

I will walk away from God,
                                          I will exile myself in a desert,
                                                                                      if this is your wish.
I will.

                                  I will also stop looking at you,
if you want me to.

If you want
I can make a fool of myself.
I can degrade myself
If you want.

As if you were the only reality, the only way out, the only good thing in this world, the only person to die for, to pray to, to love. To listen to. To admire. To follow.


If you want me to sleep with another girl,
                                                              a friend perhaps,
                                                                                        I will. Just because you want me to,

Not because I love her.

Because I don't.

If you love the idea of me wooing her,
If you fancy the idea of me talking dirty to her,
I will .

If
 you
    want
        me
           to
            dance
                or
                  kiss
                     her
                        behind
                            her
                               ear
                                  or
                                    say
                                        the
                                           words
                                               I've
                                                   never
                                                      said
                                                         to
                                                            you
                                                                or
                                                                  write
                                                                      her
                                                                         the
                                                                            poem
                                                                                I
                                                                                dreamt
                                                                                    you'd
                                                                                      read
                                                                                         in
                                                                                           me,
                                                                                               I
                                                                                                will.

I guess I'll never do the same to you.


Even though at times I might think, at the darkest hour at night, that I hate you more than I hate anything in the world, I know, back where my guts twist and churn at the very thought of you, that I am wrong. I know that this is love. However deranged, however sick, however mad or absurd people may call it. I just wish they could feel as much love as I feel for you.


If you want me to marry someone else,


if you want me to unthink of you,
if you demand that I stop remembering you,
if you command me to forget your shining smile,
to scratch from my memory the etching of your perfume
or to rub off your brushing hair embedded in the pit of my stomach,

All I can say is: “I'll try”.

But I cannot promise any of these.

And the hours passing so slowly                                                 when you're not here
                                                   and
                                                          I must                              stop loving you
                                                                     let you                                        be
                                                                                 go.                       live.    love.                         forgive.