I swore

 
I swore I’d tell you everything.

I lied.

In the cinema I mouthed “I love you”.

At home on the sofa I realised watching you
that I was in for a second mourning,
when at last you’d be walking away.

That this new apnea terrified me, like
a dummy death before the real one.

When you’d be gone forever from me
unnow and unhere and unstill

and uncharted and so out of reach
except for that one time when
in the cinema I mouthed “I love you”
and held your hand like a drowning man.