Centripetal gyration

"I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world. I may not complete this last one but I will try."

Rainer Maria Rilke, poet and novelist (1875-1926)
 

Watching a glacier move

"It was not conscious. There was no recognition in it of one's fortune, or fate, and for that very reason even to those dazed with watching for the last shivers of consciousness on the faces of the dying, consoling.

Forgetfulness in people might wound, their ingratitude corrode, but this voice, pouring endlessly, year in, year out, would take whatever it might be; this vow; this van; this life; this procession; would wrap them all about and carry them on, as in the rough stream of a glacier the ice holds a splinter of bone, a blue petal, some oak trees, and rolls them on."

Virginia Woolf, Mrs Dalloway (1925)

Drifting still

"Normal is the average of deviance."

Rita Mae Brown, writer (b. 1944)
 

The Hours

She had not come, she had not yet come.

The waiting, the longing, the unmoving

in each of these stretched-past-breaking-point hours

the hole that can't be filled

in the pit of the stomach

the hunger pushing the boundaries

of the hours, of solitude, a bit further off

she had not yet come, not yet come

and she dug her absence with a pick axe

laboriously, apparition ploughing in the dark

silent against a clear backdrop

She had not yet come.

Of course, one doubted she would ever come

the hours reached cosmic dimensions

almost ridiculous in their order of magnitude,

density and aloofness

Yet sometimes in the search one would find

a smoking camp-fire

steaming coffee on the stove

wet trees and grass one mile away

whence no rain had fallen

a tinge of peppermint in the air

a hair hanging off a warm pillow

It was hard to make sense of the hours.

They were not pointing in any clear direction

they dragged and eluded description

showing and veiling

the hours, the hours

both filling and containing the void

the restlessness, the fidgeting,

the looking-for-reasons

the paralysis and the purpose to get up

to brush up one's teeth and one's knowledge

the impetus to not put commas

to par one's fingernails

They were the inherent contradiction

the dryness and luxuriance of the world

that which rendered all words empty

and gave them meaning, new meanings

sucking life out of every second

breathing her mind back into them

It was foretold she would burst like a hurricane

and turn the whole world upside-down

leaving carcasses of animals and cars

and a foot of caking mud

a glistening sense of agony

a jungle-like silence

and sudden gusts of wind

that sent shivers up the spine

and then other hours will come

freed prisoner scratching the days

before the next meeting

off the invisible wall of his cell

other hours will grip and churn

curled up, foetus-like, in pain

seeing things that are, and aren't,

unable to differentiate

these other hours one will not court

will hammer in certain intuitions

among which holding sway over one's mind

the certitude that one will hurt

will die from this last hurtle-down love

because there is too little and too much of it

giving and taking as rampaging crusaders

ruining to build anew

burning down to fertilise the ground

these hours will make wormfood out of you

they will sow anger in the lap of your heart

those same hours that have levelled

mountains down to sand

won't even cock their ear

at the crushing of your skull

the hours etching their distinctive mark

over every action and thought

even on the foam in the mug of coffee

the hours are like letting go

of that which is still yours

making a memory off a living person

off a moment that would never come to pass

and the holding-back when she wakes up

at fucking long last

and needs time, more time

and it feels this is all you have

all you have left

the time without her

even after she had come

the waiting

the hours metronoming your heart

making you dream of Maghera cave

and the waves beating the sand

into the wind

and for some reason

you yearn for the sea

for a barefoot shoreline walk

hands folded behind your back like a peasant

and your nose up in the briny air

you then understand that she was picking flowers

or was it caterpillars

dancing wildly by the roadside

the reason of being behind

and your constant glancing at the gate

for she was the hours

she was the hours

and saying this I realise

she had always been

here and now and there and then

all along

I will have to wait for hours

for her to deign glance back at me

to catch a glimpse of her like a shooting star

cowering in a corner when she flares like the sun

elbows on the gate to the prairie when she's the night

when she rains, looking ahead,

smiling when she appears in the doorway

when she leaves, smiling.

 

Coffee

She lifts the cup – the bland china clank still

above the morning murmur of the hurried customers –

to her lips only for her pen to be stilled

by the surprising absence of content –

it's like finding out one's cigarette's out

even though they're designed to burn out –

running out of coffee remains uncanny –

the story stalled until the next gulp –

time measured in punctincting china –

halted mid-air staring at the blackbrown ring –

granular negative of a near-perfect eclipse –

blended shadows of distilled words,

bitter if left to sit on out for too long –

in one movement she stands up, pushes back

the stool and lays down the cup –

the day stretches outside the bay window

people after cars after people after cars –

queueing up again – keeping watch on her things

– her things – in a haloed blur on the table –

the pockmarked, unnerved, unsmoothed wood –

the tinnital wave of the conversation floating

like bobbing flotsam in the middle of the café,

she feels aloof, stranded, a standstill runaway,

an exile without a justification, a fraud almost

though she has money, a job, club cards –

been mocked for the black hair on her brown arms –

more disturbing to her is the pulp of her skin

loosening so visibly when she drinks water –

as anyone she is the sum of her memories,

slave to them – ditching one means losing a finger –

– her things – her coffee – essential and trivial –

the café, the people, the cars, the china

keep her head down and blank and running,

the noise motions her in the here and the now –

the threads adjusted, the cup filled, the ink stayed –

disambiguates the scars from the words –

while the bland china still clink – while she lifts the cup.

(p)leisure

"The only thing one can give an artist is leisure in which to work. To give an artist leisure is actually to take part in his creation."

Ezra Pound, poet (1885-1972)


There are many shades to be found in this quote when one scratches the varnish, but I'll be discussing only one right now that's the most obvious to me (quick aside: I like the idea that what's obvious at one point in time, in your life, may be different at another further down the line.)

 I initially wanted to say in the title to this quote that "leisure equaled time". I realised quickly this wasn't true, and not what Pound meant. Time is part of the concept of leisure, but so is to be free of any constraint. Providing an artist with a smooth relationship when they're in an artistic process is to take part in the process itself. Without an understanding partner, no success is possible for no anchor in the real is possible. Pound didn't specify the context, so if the artist isn't in any relationship then it's much easier in one sense, but they'll need an equally understanding society to give them free reins.

Leisure is a broad term that in our modern society can encompass many things, from being free from financial constraints to some form of emotional distance -- yet with a maintenance of the strong bond -- from one's partner. Giving space, time; providing a poised, safe environment; taking care of the world around while something else is being created...all of these require dedication, respect and trust, from either society or the artist's partner. Its process is egocentric, yet humanistic in nature. This process has to be recognised as "work", just as Pound envisioned it. Leisure isn't just "free time" or spending endless hours looking out the window or staring at a blank canvas, even though a measure of maturation process has to be suffered.

Last, of all: leisure is really "the only thing" the artist needs to be given. The rest they'll take care of. Hence the title.

Agent of Change

"A society which is mobile, which is full of channels for the distribution of a change occurring anywhere, must see to it that its members are educated to personal initiative and adaptability. Otherwise, they will be overwhelmed by the changes in which they are caught and whose significance or connections they do not perceive."

John Dewey - philosopher, psychologist and educational reformer (1859-1952)
 

Se on totta, mutta se sattuu

"Puede haber amor sin celos, pero no sin temores."

Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (1547-1616)

"There can be love without jealousy, but not without fear."

Letters to the Son(g)

"Learning is acquired by reading books; but the much more necessary learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading man, and studying all the various editions of them."

Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield, statesman and writer (1694-1773)

What Really Irritates Me In Men, Women and Poodles, and Other Sartorial Considerations Very Late at Night, Part 6

Here we go again. Blame it on the insomnia and the appeal of the late-summer, rosy-fingered dawn. Blame it also on the vanity of this pigsty of a world, on my compatriots' chlorinated confusion. The will to prove one's existence never has paved a clearer path to ridicule than now, making the happy sarcastic few even more sarcastic...inevitably making this series long-winded ad absurdum. I'm not sure one can run out of stuff to rant about when one looks long enough at the thriving state of worldly affairs, but I'm certain that one needs a hand, every now and again. Tonight, baboons will lock hands with us in a firm, brotherly handshake across the Sacred Order of the Primates to show us The Way To Go.

One disclaimer before I start: as indeed the title so titularily stipulates, it is very late at night – so late at night it is that it's actually the same night as two nights ago – ergo I shall be eternally indebted to your disregard of the syntactical, punctuational and logical lack of substance my barbarous sentences will doubtless show.

I have addressed this issue before, but I am still dumbfounded by the very-short-term memory of some men who dry their hands after “el numero uno” – those who have completely forgotten to wash their hands in the first place. Yes, those one. Sure the wetness is there, and needs to be addressed...but this...is beyond my capacity to respond rationally. Keeping toilets clean doesn't amount to how much detergent and efforts one puts into its cleaning, but how one incites – dare I say 'tricks' – its users into washing their hands: automatic taps, automatic soap dispenser, automatic hand-dryer. Seeing how some still fail at shifting their hands vectorially in the (obvious) designated spots to soap up, clean and dry would baffle a two-week-into-training baboon. The non-automatic door spells 'death by germs' on its handle.

On the podium of (literally) stupendous stupidity might undeniably stand the morning-after-pubescence-hit vacuous missus recently beheld at my local bar (there's no way she could have been 18, but hey, it'll all make sense in a couple sentences) pole-dancing (complete with ass-rubbing lasciviousness) against every man in the joint, regardless of their being with someone. Her make-up wasn't as grotesque as one might have expected, but her dress was stupidly short, and by stupidly I mean that one could almost see her buttocks when she stood up – it's actually an unsolved sartorial feat to me that it didn't pull all the way up to her waist when she danced. One understood why she was even allowed to get in when one discovered that the testosterone-bursting males – obviously the single ones and one of the bouncers – were actually queueing up (I kid you not) to serve as a pole-dancing bar. It wasn't a pretty sight: one could see glassy eyes, drooling chins and bulging zippers; one could hear coarse, ruttish laughters that only seemed to spur her on. I mean, even the women in there were fascinated by the girl's boldness, the awkwardness of the moment because she was a frigging awesome dancer, I'll give her that. Her dance was sensual and enticing and boner-inducing (even I had to look up once in a while), in keeping with the rhythm of the music. It all lasted about thirty, perhaps forty-five minutes, and then she was gone (not from some people's memory, of course).

Quick side note: I was sitting on my own with a beer-and-book combo (I know it sounds weird, but I like reading in that bar on an early Friday evening because the music is chill and the crowd usually super-friendly, so feck off) and she did glance at me, but she perhaps didn't feel up for a challenge, or perhaps thought she had enough males for one night. Or perhaps the raised eyebrow deterred her altogether. The mandrill baboon in me was touched, but not aroused...perhaps I'm really a cul-de-sac in the chain, but the girl's forlorn eyes dug deeper than I cared to admit back then. The loneliness in people is something I highly respect, not something I take advantage of.

Speaking of baboons, one never fails to recognise modern primates for what they really are in a crowd. I was attending a Celtic event this summer in a reconstructed Viking village in a small town. It was Sunday, the day was hot and the sun had this buttery quality which I like. There were workshops with metalsmiths, woodworkers, tailors. The whole modern-day Viking she-bang. Archery and thatchers. Dancers. At some point there was a call in a loudspeaker saying that some children in period costume were thrust onto a stage to perform a rather fancy interpretation of a Morris dance to the springy tune of drums, oboes, lutes and flageolets. OK, perhaps the call just mentioned that some dance was about to take place and the rest is my own interpretation. Perhaps. Doubtful Viking-y costumes at best, but a ridiculous parody of Morris dance (come on, it's a 15^th Century English thing) and an even more ridiculous choice of instruments. Flageolet, for Pete's sake. I know that organisers try their best to emulate and entertain...but that's just the grumpy me. Anyway, so these kiddos are on stage and hold hands and parents see their offspring in cute attires smiling and dancing cutely so their first instinct is – of course – to just come as close as they can to the stage and record the whole darn thing, mayhap trampling some other parent in the process but hey, that's social Darwinism. A hungry troop of baboons (or a shrewdness of apes, for that matter) would be more orderly at lunch-time in your local zoo.

Essentially, they were blocking the view of the parent behind, who was blocking the view of the one behind, and the one behind. From where I stood, at a safe distance, I could see a mobile phone screen recording another mobile phone screen recording another mobile phone screen recording another recording some fuzzy dance in the distance...a perfect “mise en abyme” that was comically farcical, because even the first parent, who obviously had a clear view, was pressed to the point of suffocation against the protective railings. Perhaps they all meant well, in some dimension yet unknown to science, but the fact that they cannot argue their case convincingly when asked not to push which pulls the WTF trigger. They either give one another the same look as a rabbit caught in the headlights' glare, or that of the driver looking at the lifeless body of the half rabbit protruding from under the tyre.

I plead guilty, on this rather hot and cloudless day, of schadenfreude watching all of this unfold.

Talking about misery and joy, let's turn to one of my favourite species which is their perfect epitome: the poodle. Of course I have to have a go at them, or the raison d'être of this rant would proverbially be thrown at them. My liebestod towards them is legendary, but this passionate hatred is well-founded, believe me. I recently learnt that their hair-do actually had a purpose back then (not the rather personal, dubiously aesthetic one it's supposed to have in our modern era): as they were used as water dogs (even though they don't have palmed paws...go figure), their self-conscious owners would shear their curly mane in strategic places so that the dogs wouldn't be weighted down by too much soaked fur...because you see: the shining coat of the poodle doesn't stop growing. It doesn't shed excess fur. Sure, you could contend that they don't smell and are non-allergy-inducive, to which I will respond that somewhere in that matted fur of theirs, in these dread-locks and impossible-to-comb knots, given enough time, there must be some bacteria or some germ snugly proliferating in silence.

I have to hit the sack now, as I sense my sagacious sarcastic side might keep me awake for longer than is reasonable, especially after two sleepless nights in a row. Sometimes, it's also good to let some things go. Alternatively, we all have other fish to fry, and baboons to feed.