I feel nothing. I
feel nothing.
Hovering in
mid-air without a sound.
I feel nothing.
No earthly grasp.
No bearing.
No beacon to
light nor to follow.
The hem of my
coat unseamed.
Unravelling.
Raving. Reeling.
I feel hollow. I
feel hollow.
Like a coreless
trunk, a bleached coral.
A kite is what I
most resemble now.
A kite in squalls
paused in a painting.
One inch from
toppling down yet not toppling down.
On the brink to.
On the brink to.
And
I am dead tired of it.
I
wish I fell. I wish I fell.
Yes,
I wish that.
Up
to my fingertips stretched out,
My
legs stiff and still, my back, rigid.
The
shadow under me should draw a cross.
It
should.
I
am dead tired of this too.
Wasteland.
All this is a wasteland; I am a wasteland.
I
am like a puppet whose strings used to be attached.
Those
strings were cut.
Yet
this body of mine floats for he remembers.
No,
he can never forget the strings.
What
they did to him.
Those
strings were cut, yet I hover.
I
have never felt more human than now.
Time
has no end, no beginning. Time does not exist.
Time
cannot exist. We live on impressions.
We
live in depressions. We like not the summits,
Where
the sun shines the brightest.
If
I could write my life
I
would be a hate letter away
From
vanishing.
I
am that bone-tired.
My
skeleton made of eggshell glass
Brittler
than a tamarind flake.
Were
my body broken perhaps
I
would feel something.
Humans
are like that, so people say.
None
is beyond oblivion. Nothing is.
None
is shatterproof. Nothing is.
Expecting
our notion of time to yield
Is
expecting a chicken to lay an asteroid:
There
is a billion to one chance.
Pain
and distrust percolate
The
churches, the mosques, the synagogues,
The
banks, the schools, the governments.
I
am between the anvil and the hammer,
And
this is tiring, straining, enraging me to death
Whilst
I hover, paused as on photographs of old,
Sepiaed
by survival,
Worn
thin by unrealised expectation,
In
the still furore of existence,
Unshod,
haggard, halfway to everything,
As
incapable of action as of inaction.
I
am hollow, hollow, hollow.