*** Don’t know how long it’s been, six months, maybe a year? I was fine, mostly, really. Mh? Yeah, mostly.
*** I know it’s been a year. I’ve been doing ok. ups and downs, you know how it is, maybe.
*** It felt longer at times – longer than a year, I mean – long days were bad days, short days were good days, as simple as that, really. – so long in fact that time felt like a volume, comprising all axes, terms, signs, results.
*** This year has felt like a decade. Some hours stirred tumult and tears, and terrible truths, sometimes smaller than a grain of sand, sometimes larger than the Laniakea. Other days brought silences and smiles, great quietude filling the mind – a Boötes of the soul, unperturbed – the lucidity actual, irrefragable – the mind palace like an anechoic chamber memories seen for what they are: starkly untinged, and evident.
*** Three hundred and thirty-eight days sixteen hours and twelve minutes. Every single one of those seconds as long as a mercurial day. March 2nd was the worst, for some reason. I hadn’t thought about you in weeks – well, more like afterthoughts, caprices of a winding/storied memory – you flashed before me particle ignoring all matter I relived the hours together slowly, not savouring but observing, your contours more defined – like a coastline under a satellite then as through a microscope – in endless, excruciating precision the acuteness of the scrutiny which made me understand, finally why it had been so hard to go over you.
So I sat there with that mental origami pleating and creasing ever smaller folds, each one revealing a finer trait, and I knew once I would be watching from the comfort of space where we always fly for a reason I would finally see the finest tales of embroidered memories.
"In science it often happens that scientists say, "You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken," and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion."
Carl Sagan (1934-1996), in his keynote address at CSICOP conference (1987).
It could be the surface from below, perhaps clouds from above, perhaps
Suspended, up and down, floating, floating. Weightless, unpulled.
It could be the air, water, light – so precisely anything – floating, floating.
Ground. Seabed. Stratosphere.
Salt on the lips – ah, yes, the ocean, that vague memory. Aren’t clouds made of saltwater or dustwater, dunes or oceanfloors – floating – floating.
A gowpen of cottonwool, a thoughtful of smoke, all could be inside my mind – subfaces and surfaces – mirror of mirrors of mirrors slowly spinning on myself dimensions lost to the senses I am nothing, floating, floating
if only the moon, a bird, a fish I’d know where I floating, floating was – stars perhaps I’d know – floating why I enjoy floating, floating so much